


Cafeteria

by Esperata



Series: Arkham Academy [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Frankenstein Monster, Jekyll and Hyde character, Lunch, M/M, Nymphs & Dryads, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies, chatting, djinn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 01:12:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19031707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: Lunchtime for our gallery of rogues.Just a chance to get to know the cast of characters.





	Cafeteria

**Author's Note:**

> Check the series description for an idea of who's who and what's what.

“Hey Penguin!” Joker’s voice cut through the general hubbub. “Your lunch is here.”

Oswald scowled.

“I told you not to call me that.”

“Don’t let it ruffle your feathers,” Harley teased from her place beside the pallid zombie.

As Oswald ignored the jibe, and went to retrieve the lackey his mother had sent for him to feed on, there was a snicker from Joker. Harley gazed adoringly at him. She knew some people objected to the age difference between them – she was still a teen and he’d been around so long he’d forgotten his birth name – but that just added to the romance for her.

As Joker seemed inclined to continue ignoring her for now though, she turned her attention onto the other boy opposite her.

“Whatcher got there Nygma?”

He glanced up from where he was carefully pushing his food apart down the centre of his plate.

“Pizza,” he replied. “Tuna and anchovy on the left and ham and pineapple on the right. Except they don’t differentiate the sides properly.”

“I don’t know why you make such a fuss,” Joker pointed out. “It all goes down the same way.”

Riddler scowled at him.

“ _I don’t expect someone’s whose taste buds are long dead to understand._ ”

“I’m eating a PB&J,” Harley announced loudly.

This statement, coupled with the return of Oswald, drew attention from the other end of the table and Bruce Wayne glared down at them.

“You should watch what you eat and try to eat more healthily,” he told them before his eyes flickered to where Oswald was now biting into the lackey’s wrist. “And quite frankly that sort of behaviour shouldn’t be allowed at table.”

“Hey,” Oswald objected. “I have to eat.”

“Why can’t you bring a blood bag?”

“Those things are far more fattening,” the vampire sneered. “You’ll have to make up your mind whether you want us to eat healthily or in a more socially accepted manner.”

“He has a point.”

The new voice startled Bruce and he turned to see Selina had just taken the seat opposite him.

“As our human ambassador I feel it’s my duty to advocate certain standards so we won’t be ostracised.”

She scoffed.

“Who nominated you ambassador?”

“As the one who’s most human-” he began before she interrupted.

“Most human? You’re only human half the time wolf-boy. Come night-time you’re howling at the moon.”

“Nevertheless,” Bruce insisted with a scowl. “To most humans I am fully accepted. I’m only trying to help others achieve the same.”

“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes. “But not everyone would consider a slab of steak to be an acceptable lunch food,” she shifted her eyes down the table and Bruce cast his gaze past his neighbour to see Ivy was indeed looking down her nose at her companions. He could understand her not appreciating watching Joker down the end – not many people liked seeing brain matter being eaten – but Harvey Dent was sat between her and Bruce and he was eating a perfectly balanced meal.

The two J’s opposite her weren’t being antisocial either that he could tell. Both Jervis and Jonathan were picking at their food, the dainty dark fairy choosing only the finest parts to eat while the banshee seemed to simply have no appetite. Meanwhile the dryad herself was haughtily stabbing at a lush salad.

“What’s her problem? I thought she hated animals – wouldn’t she want to see them eaten?”

Selina rolled her eyes.

“She hates that animals eat plants without considering their impact. Given that humans lay waste to forests to graze cattle – no, she doesn’t want to see cows eaten.”

Bruce looked back down at his rare steak.

“I’m sure this was sustainably farmed,” he offered with an air of confidence.

“Uh huh. You keep telling yourself that.”

Bruce decided to change topics and focused on Harvey.

“You going to practice later?”

The handsome face turned to reveal the line of stitching holding him together. After a thoughtful pause he shrugged his broad shoulders.

“Sure,” he agreed. “Though its not like anyone can match these strong arms and legs. They were picked out especially you know.”

This last comment was directed more towards Ivy on the other side of him who arched a cynical eyebrow.

“Shame they couldn’t transplant a new brain while they were at it,” she suggested.

He gave her a lopsided grin.

“I thought you liked ‘em big and dumb? Isn’t that what you told me when we dated?”

“Yeah. Then I dated you and realised what a mistake that was.”

“Aw,” he teased. “Does that mean you won’t come and cheer me on?”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she replied mock sincerely. “But Jervis, Jon and I are working on our science project.”

At the sound of their names the two opposite looked up.

“Did you source more of that plant?” Jervis enquired, happily ignoring the disgruntled look of Harvey.

“Ask and ye shall receive.” Ivy smirked. “The woods were happy to provide.”

Jervis nodded and turned his face up towards the lanky boy sitting close beside him.

“Are you sure you worked out the correct formula this time? We don’t want a repeat of the last fiasco.”

Jonathan scowled but before he could answer Harley piped up again.

“I _liked_ last time. It was fun!”

“I assure you, bedazzling that many normals was _not_ fun. I found it _quite_ draining.”

A calming hand landed on his bristling shoulder and he relaxed immediately back against Jonathan.

“I’m sure the chemistry’s right this time,” the banshee promised him.

Harley pouted from her position on the other side of Jervis as the two sank back into their own little world.

“You really not coming to watch the guys Ivy? I was hoping we could have some girl talk.”

“You mean you want someone to listen while you rave about Joker.” Ivy glared even as she saw Joker smirking on the far side of Harley. “Well no thank you.”

Harley turned her attention back onto Nygma and Oswald.

“What about you two? Fancy giving a girl some company?”

Oswald blinked in surprise, his teeth still sunk into his lunch.

“You want our company?” Ed asked.

“Sure. I mean it’s either you guys or Selina and she can get real self-righteous, you know?”

“Charming,” Oswald muttered, wiping his mouth.

“ _Sounds fun,_ ” Riddler declared.

“Wait, what? I thought you were going to tutor me in math?” Oswald couldn’t hide his irritation.

“Os.” Nygma leant closer to whisper. “How often do we get invited to anything? _And we can mock the braindead footballers._ It’ll be fun.”

As Oswald dismissed his lunch with an unconvinced huff, Ed made one last appeal.

“And I can still tutor you later. If you don’t mind me coming round to your house that is.”

Oswald brightened immediately.

“Well in that case, we’d be delighted Harley.”

She squealed excitedly and dove over the table to latch an arm around each of their necks in a choking hold.

“Oh! It’ll be such fun!” she declared. “We can gossip about who we fancy and swap tips!”

On either side of her, the two boys grimaced simultaneously. Opposite them Joker burst into hysterical laughter.

“Some jokes never get old,” he grinned devilishly across, catching each boy’s eye before Harley caught his gaze herself.

“What’s that J? What joke?”

He continued to smirk even as he waved her interest away.

“I’ll tell you later. Perhaps. I wouldn’t want to ruin the punchline after all.”

Distracted by her boyfriend’s puzzling humour, Harley failed to notice the revealing embarrassment of her two newest bffs as they sought to avoid each other’s gaze.


End file.
